Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Do People Lose Their Minds When They Lose Their Legs?

Yet another prosthetic leg was found. This one at the Jacksonville Beach. What the hell?

How can they not miss their missing prosthetic legs? I mean, assuming they have prosthetic legs because they are missing actual, biological, attached second legs, don't they need their artificial ones?

So, one-legged Bob was having fun swimming in the surf (oil apparently not there yet) when he decided to go home. So he hopped all the way to his car ..... See my point?

Was he really fucked up on drugs and alcohol? (Which begs the question: Is that how he lost his bio-leg?)

Did someone give him GHB or a Ruffie then hide his Willie-Nelson-embossed plastic-and-metal leg?

I don't understand how he lost it. But I am glad he got it back.

Post Script: If I were Willie Nelson, I'd be really pissed off. Not because my image is plastered to the side of this guy's fake leg. But because he cares so little about it, and the image, that he hopped off and left it on the beach. Seriously.

Post Post Script: I had a lightening strike after I finished writing this. I think I've found the answer to my question: How do these people keep losing their prosthetics? Well, they lost the legs that were attached to their bodies, so it only stands to reason that they would have a hard time keeping track of one that is detachable. Right?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Layers Upon Layers of Stupidity and Hypocrisy

The hubris of human beings, particularly Americans, never seems to wane despite lesson after lesson after lesson.

BP was allegedly drilling nearly 25,000 feet deep despite only being permitted to drill down to 18,000 feet. Because they just don't give a fuck. And why should they? There is no consequence for their abuse.

There is a safety shut-off valve that costs $500,000 each to install that is required by other countries, including Norway and Brazil, that would have prevented the diluge of oil into the Gulf after the collapse of the platform, but the US does not require it and BP (of course) chose not to use it. Free markets do NOT correct everything. In fact, they correct very little that's wrong with society or commerce. A little common sense would help.

The oil being collected from off-shore drilling, and even land drilling, is NOT US OIL! It goes onto the open market because it is privately owned. So when we drill for oil and risk our natural environment, we are not reducing our dependence on Middle Eastern oil. We are ensuring that it continues. OIL = BAD, where ever it is taken from the ground.

This is another example of privatizing gains while socializing losses. BP has been making obscene amounts of profit by extracting oil while endangering and even exploiting American (and other countries') other natural resources. But take my word for it: America will end up spending billions of dollars on this fuck-up, losing billions more in ruined industry (fishing, shrimping, cruising, tourism) and destroyed water, animals, plants, and beaches. BP will pay some pittance and go back to raping and pillaging.

Corporations are amoral. They do not give a shit about you or me or the environment. It's not their job to care about that stuff. It's our job. But we apparently don't know how, or are unwilling to. So we get what we deserve.

Will we learn our lesson this time?

Friday, April 23, 2010

"The One-Legged Man Did It!"

A group of volunteers in Sharon, Pennsylvania regularly patrol the banks of the Shenango River cleaning up debris and other items illegally dumped there. A laudable task, no doubt.

Recently, they found a prosthetic leg, shoe still attached. (Apparently, "Shenango" means "toss plastic limbs in here.")

I think they should make a police report for illegal dumping/littering. And tell the cops ... well, you read the title.

Finally, shouldn't the police be looking for the organic part that used to be attached to the leg?

Monday, April 19, 2010

Palin Wants a Theocracy, But Women Are Not Allowed to Be Imams

While we are spending trillions of dollars trying to get Muslim countries to abandon their sectarian, theocratic ideas of government and adopt secular government, our own Sister Sarah is driving the horse-cart in the wrong direction.

She wants a Theocracy.

What a fucking stupid idea. But considering the source...

Imagine all the people, killing each other over their nuanced beliefs in the same faith. Catholics and Mormons and Lutherans and Pentecostals. And it goes without saying that those of other faiths have strong feelings as well: Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Shintos, Muslims, etc.

You think this is a stretch? I doubt it. With separation of church and state, people have a sense that their religious beliefs are personal, not public. But start imposing particular religious practices and beliefs on people, and watch the result. Have you heard of the Iraq-Iran war? The Shia and Sunni still hate each other, killing each other regularly. And they are all Muslim.

I wonder is Sister Sarah stopped for a moment to think about what she is saying. It's not like her pentecostal faith promotes women in strong leadership positions. My guess: in a theocracy, she'd be hunting from the back of the helicopter.

I actually had a Mormon advocate theocracy to me as well. He wanted a government that imposed morality according to scripture. Well, my question was: Whose? I wonder if he considered the fact that if we actually did have a theocracy in the US, Mormons would be the minority. Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Mormon.

What this really comes down to is these biggots wanting to suppress anything and anyone different from them. The problem they are not considering: They may not be the biggots in charge.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Children Are Not Puppies, But Huckabee Is a Bitch!

In furtherance of his dark ages campaign against any type of rights for gay people in this country, former Arkansas Governor and Presidential loser Mike Huckabee said this in support of prohibiting gay couples from adopting:

"Children are not puppies," he said. "This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?"

And he compared gay marriage to drug use, incest, and polygamy.

BTW, it's not gay couples that treat children like puppies. Did you see my last post?

Friday, April 9, 2010

God Gave you 19 Kids? OK. It's Still A Freak Show!

The clearly very fertile Duggars recently took their 19th naturally born child home form the hospital after is was born three months premature. Little Josie (pictured above) will join her 17 brothers and sisters (Number One Son is married, out of the house, and has a kid of his own now.) in the barracks.

The quote below is from an article I read that is somewhat critical of the Duggars, but also points out the good things about this family. This particular excerpt points out the inherent problem of such a large family.

"[T]hey said on their Web site that one of their goals in parenting a large family is making sure they have individual conversations with each child at least -- wait for it -- once a week! Can you imagine how loved a kid must feel getting penciled in to talk to Dad on Wednesdays at 2:35? It sounds more like a parent/teacher conference than parent/child relationship. (Better not be late!) The family also has Operational Definitions of Character Qualities they expect of their kids. I think I had one of those at the mega-company I used to work for. The kids are also paired off in a buddy system so an older child can mentor and help a younger one."

I only have one sibling. Yet my parents often called me by my sister's name. Once, my father looked straight at me and called me by the dog's name. I laughed. But WTF must these kids think? The younger ones are being raised by the older kids. Isn't that a form of child abuse? Or neglect? I'm sure it's better than an orphanage or foster care. But barely.

The Duggars (which is evangelical for "rabbits") keep having babies out of religious conviction. But even Jacob only had 12 sons. (If he had any daughters, the Bible is mum. Girls don't count in the Bible except to (1) cause the fall of man or (2) be whores or (3) be the virgin mother of the messiah.)

I have a libertarian streak. I recognize the Duggars' right to repopulate the state of Arkansas single handedly (double handedly?), but I also have to say that having children and loving children are different things. And by loving, I don't mean how they feel about them. I mean actually knowing them, spending time with them, paying attention to them, etc.

I guess the Duggar kids would say they are loved. But I still think it's a freak show. Obviously, other people agree with me. Why else would they be on TV?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Tiger Gets His Balls Off

Tiger Woods, the only person in America who LOVES Jesse James, returned to the links today.

He was cheered and jeered. One jokester paid to have a plane fly over the course with a banner reading "Tiger did you mean BOOTYISM?" Pretty Clever. Her are some alternatives.

"You've got balls!"

"Get it in the hole!"

"Move your hand up the shaft a little!"

"You're a swinger!"

"Tiger Woods: always coming and golfing."

I never realized golf was such a dirty game until today.

Did you know Tiger went to a sex addiction rehab facility in Hattiesburg, Mississippi? Sex addiction rehab in Hattiesburg, Mississippi? (Anyone else thinking "Deliverance" right now?)

And did you see the commercial Nike did of sad!Tiger with his father's voice over? IRONY - Apparently, TigerPapa was a womanizer too. So lesson learned? Act repentant, exploit your dead, adulterous father, and practice your swing.

Really Old Homo Found in South African Cave

And it ain't Sir Elton John.

The nerdy/wonky anthropological debate begins: Is he Australopithecus (like Lucy, a tree climber whose remains date back over 3.2 million years) or Homo (a land runner). It appears to have some characteristics of both, and it's between 1.78 and 1.95 million years old. For now, it's being classified as "Australopithecus sediba."

Those of us who breathe through our noses and walk fully erect (our spines, not - you know) think THIS is an interesting debate. Do you know what is less interesting? Evolution vs Creationism. *yawning*

(Do you believe in evolution? No? No matter. Evolution believes in you!)

Do you know how many conspiracies, frauds, and plots would have to be in place for evolution to be fictitious? Yet some "people," (I use the term loosely) still refuse to accept it. Do you get why I need to use profanity?

Ask yourself the same question about Creationism: How many conspiracies, frauds, and plots would have to be in place for Creationism to be fictitious? Answer: ZERO.

Ergo - go for the banana, not the manna.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Grand Wizard, I Mean Governor, of Virgina is a Confederate

Check this guy out! He's bringing racist back!

This is Bob. Bob is smiling because he just reinstated Confederate History Month in the Commonwealth of Virginia. (I don't know if his dick works. I'm hoping not.)

Bob thinks we need to "reflect upon our Commonwealth's shared history, to understand the sacrifices of the Confederate leaders, soldiers and citizens during the period of the Civil War." Those are Bob's reasons for reinstating this inanity/insanity.

Do we need to take a moment and show some reverence to slavery, rebellion, secession, and hubris? Do we need to say "Fuck You!" to all the descendants of American slaves who have fought to stop the celebration of this embarrassment in our history? I'm not saying forget our history. But let's stop glorifying the secession and the Civil War as somehow justified actions by the South. There was no honor in killing and/or dying to prolong slavery. There was no honor in forsaking your country over political disagreement. We like to be nice about it, but let's be honest: the south was fighting to maintain an immoral economic caste system that relied on owning other human beings. No. Honor. There. I don't care how right they thought they were.

This is not about history or states' rights or other bullshit and it never has been. It's about flaunting your long-disproven fantasy of racial and cultural superiority over black people and outsiders who don't eat grits. You go, Bob, and wave your Confederate Flag, and smile for the camera. Your days as a political leader are numbered. If they aren't, then I am truly worried for our country.

Let's wrap this up with a song, shall we?

~Old McDonnell had a Hat. E I E I O, shit!~

~And on that hat, he had a point, E I E I O, Hell!~

~With a burning cross here, and a confederate flag there, E I E I O, Crap.~

Come on Virginians! Can't you do better than Bob?

(This is not a picture of Bob under the hood. It's just a random picture I found on the internet of another racist. I don't know if Bob is a member of the Klan.)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

"It's All in God's Hands. What Can I Do?"

I read this on Twitter:

"Its by the Grace of God that I have what I have! & its by the Grace of God that you have what you have! Its by His Grace & His Grace alone!"

Punctuation problems aside (What is it with people and apostrophes?), this is stupid.

By this illogic, I should just quit my job and wait for God to bestow a windfall of on me. I have no responsibilities or obligations. I'm just a spiritual jellyfish, floating on the generosity of the great bearded guy in the sky.

If this is true, then God only sorta likes me, 'cause I don't have that much. And he must really hate poor people. Why else would they have so little?

This is nihilistic, fatalistic, moronic dogma.

What really kills me: I see this shit from the same people who post quotes from Ayn Rand.

NEWSFLASH: You cannot be a fatalistic pre-determination Christiamoton and a rugged individualist at the same time! These two ways of thinking are mutually exclusive. No wonder you sound so confused. You are confused.

If you're gonna be a sheep, be a sheep. If you're gonna be a self-sufficient, responsible adult human, be that. You cannot be both. Unless you're that weird sheep-man in that political ad. He may be both.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

5 Things We Should Do, But Don't, 'Cause We're Stupid

There are a some things we should do because facts, logic, reason, and circumstances all point us in that direction. And yet, we don't do these things. And there is no rational reason not to do these things. We just don't. And it's stupid.

Number 1 - Stop printing dollar bills, and switch to dollar coins. This will save the federal government more than $500 million per year. Yet people have a stroke when you suggest this. Why?

Number 2 - Adopt Cap and Trade for all pollutants. Industries screeched like drowning cats in the 1980s and 1990s when these limits were enacted for sulfur and nitrogen pollutants. And yet, they work. Emissions of capped pollutants were reduced enough that one rarely even hears the phrase "acid rain" any more.

(BTW - this is a basic free-market solution to prevent polluting industries from externalizing part of their costs of production. See, pollution is part of the overhead or cost of production. When it is emitted into the soil, water, or air, without charge, the industry is avoiding this cost by shifting it onto society. It is part of the cost of production to take care of emissions. NOT requiring them to pay for this is a form of corporate welfare.)

Number 3 - Standardize primary and secondary education standards and curricula nationally. Did you know that the Texas schools just dropped Thomas Jefferson from the featured list of "influential enlightenment figures" in its history books? Yes, the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence was apparently not important enough, or rather, he was too strong an advocate for separation of church and state. And they included Phyllis Schafly (a right wing religious activist) in the history book. And some states are including creationism in their science texts. I call this the "hillbilliazation of learnin'." We need national standards to protect these idiots from their own ignorance. We have to save the children from their cousins/parents!

Number 4 - Stop smoking cigarettes. Really. It's stupid, it stinks, and it kills you. Just stop. Also, it really stinks. At the very least, we should STOP SUBSIDIZING TOBACCO GROWERS! That is just fucking moronic!

Number 5 - Legalize marijuana, and tax it. Can we stop pretending that pot is going to destroy our society? Our last 3 presidents all smoked it, and we know that 2 out of three of them were not damaged by it. The biggest problem we'll face is eating too much junk food and being too mellow. And just think of the revenue! $$$$$ (This entry will be reiterated in a future blog titled, "5 Things That Are Going to Happen, So Get Used to It.")

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Best. Headline. Ever.

"Gay Jesus Musical Canceled in Texas"

Upon reading this article, my first thought was: What made these students think this was EVER going to happen? It's Texas. In Texas, it's OK to "ride a bull," but a sin for 2 people of the same gender to get it on. Ergo, you may not pretend to be gay, especially if you are also pretending to be Jesus.

Why do homophobes have to ruin art? Is it not enough that no one is forcing them to engage in gay activities (i.e. dancing, interior decorating, etc.). Can't they just live and let live? They don't have to see the play. Or, they can see it, and offer their criticism of it. But threats? Over a college play? Are they that bored?

(When I was in college, the students performed a play called "Vampire Lesbians of Sodom." I guess since Jesus wasn't in that, it was OK.)

Finally, why not just do the play anyway. If it is in fact about issues dealt with by gay Christians, that seems really interesting and thought-provoking.

I've heard some say that art isn't art if it doesn't offend someone. I don't know if that's true, but the fact that it does offend some people does not render the play "not art." What's more, this play seems like it had something pertinent and timely to say.

Not having seen the play or the script, I don't want to assume too much about its quality. But the problem with the sort of bullying, threatening behaviors we see on display in Texas is that they censor by fear. And now, people may not get the see the play at all. So how will we know?

What many modern Christians forget is that Jesus was not a peaceful, "go with the flow" guy. On the contrary. He pissed people off everywhere he went. Why? Because he challenged the status quo. Because he stood up for what he believed in, even when it was not popular. Because he was different, and he was not ashamed. He associated with tax collectors, lepers, women of ill repute, and generally, the outcasts, those on the fringe of society at the time.

I don't know if he was gay. That doesn't matter. My point is this: if Jesus lived today, in this world, at this time, I think he'd be in the theater watching that play, not in the streets protesting with his so-called followers.

Monday, March 29, 2010

If Ronald Reagan Is Your Hero, Then Shut the Hell Up About Deficits and Debt

There is currently a movement to replace Ulysses S. Grant's image on the $50 with Ronald Reagan. The GOP trots out the Gipper every time it wants to drum up nostalgic support for its neo-conservative agenda. Ironically, all we hear from these so-called fiscal conservatives today is how our future generations are going to be crushed by our national debt. And it is ironic.

When Ronny ran the White House, he ran the national debt up from $908 billion up to $2.6 trillion, an increase of 186%. This increase in debt-to-GDP ratio surpassed FDR's new deal and WWII. Where do these Reaganites get off criticizing ANYONE for deficits and debt?

And where were these debt hawks when W and the GOP started 2 wars with no money to pay for them. No effort was even made to pay for them. They just spent, spent, spent, with no regard or objection from any part of the party (except Ron Paul).

The last time our nation saw sustained economic growth paired with reduction in national debt was the Clinton Administration. Yup. The philandering bumpkin and the so-called "tax-and-spend liberals" know more about economics that Reagan, W, Cheney, basically the entire GOP. So please just shut the fuck up. You have no credibility when it comes to this issue.

Trying to canonize Reagan as the patron saint of conservatism would is like trying to canonize Dick Cheney as the patron saint of charm, or Sarah Palin as the patron saint of moderately intelligent. It just doesn't pass the straight face test.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Eric Cantor is a Lying... Well, Too Nasty to Be a Twinkie.

Apparently jealous of the "attention" some Democratic members of Congress have gotten this past week (and by attention, I mean spitting, racial epithets, ugly homophobic name-calling, rocks and bricks through windows, threats of violence and death, vandalism, and at least one threatening letter with a white substance in it), GOP Congressdick Eric Cantor (aka "Skeletor") told the media his office had been fired upon.

Well, no, Eric, it wasn't. The large office building your office is in had a window hit by a bullet falling from the sky to the ground. Did you think no one (outside of Fox News) would notice your BIG FAT FUCKING LIE?

You see, Eric, in order to actually become a target of angry bigots and narrow-minded hate-mongers, you have to NOT BE ON THEIR SIDE. What's more,you have to be willing to act with conviction, take chances, do what's right despite threats, have courage, and generally be a leader. You have never displayed any of these behaviors or traits. You are a sycophantic Tea-Bagger bitch. You are the safest person in the Deliverance woods, right now. No one is firing a gun at you.

Scott Brown is a Lying Twinkie

There must have been a deal on lobotomies in the Massachusetts Costcos. I see no other explanation for the election of this Twinkie.

First of all, he posed naked in Cosmo. Who takes this person seriously?

Second, since taking office, he has gone form one gaffe to the next lie so fast it's hard to keep up.

Let's see, first he pimped out his daughters.

Then he proclaimed that the stimulus bill "did not create one new job." I think we all know that's not true. Even Senator Barenipples knows it's not true.

Recently, he sent a fundraising letter to rightwingnuts claiming that he needs money to fund his campaign against the very formidable likely democratic candidate, Rachel Maddow. Except that Rachel Maddow isn't going to run against him. She said so. Repeatedly. He just made this shit up. "Let's see, whose name can I pick out of my ass that would really scare the Tea Baggers? Oh, I know, that gay chick, Rachel Maddow. Mwa ha ha ha ha.")

Is there anything to this guy of substance? Or is he just Brittany Spears with an American Flag lapel pin? So far all he has shown us is skin and fluff. Isn't that the definition of a Twinkie?

Friday, March 19, 2010

Where Have You Gone, Barry Goldwater?

Unfortunately for conservative intellectuals in the US, their movement has been co-opted by bigots. Conservative Americans (like Goldwater) used to believe that people's private lives and private decisions were (shockingly) private. The idea of imposing moral ideologies on all members of society based on the religious views of a few, or even the majority, is not a "conservative" idea since it involves the government imposing on purely private behavior. But starting with Ronald Reagan, American conservatives made an ironic deal with "the devil." And the problem with making a deal with the devil is eventually, he wants his due.

Starting with Reagan, the GOP began courting the many splintered groups of Christian evangelicals. They started publicly opposing abortion, and adopted fiery rhetoric: abortion = "murder;" single mothers = "irresponsible welfare abusers;" political opponents = "unpatriotic;" favoring diplomacy = "weak and liberal." You get the gist.

At its foundation, the christian evangelical movement is united by shared conservative, fundamentalist religious beliefs. They believe they are right, and everyone else is wrong. They also believe everyone else is going to hell. But they have other things in common. (And I am going with generalize here, because people are judged by the company they keep.) They tend to be racist, homophobic, anti-immigration, anti-science, and lately we learned, they also tend to be secessionists. So when this becomes the base of your conservative political party, what do you do?

Well, the GOP: elects morons (Palin, W,Bachman, and a whole slew of people who think God literally created the entire universe in 6 days); tramples the constitution and basic human rights (detaining so-called terror suspects for years without trial or legal counsel, spying on American citizens without warrants, torturing people); explodes the national debt and budget deficits (fighting wars that are not paid for
and cutting taxes for the richest Americans while not funding education programs); and I could go on. Do I need to?

Well, now those good right-wing Christians, who are so easy to whip into a lather, demand to see President Obama's birth certificate. (Here it is, BTW. It's on the internet in about a bazillion places.) They are stockpiling guns despite the fact that Obama has made no move to restrict either weapons or ammunition. They believe our federal government wants to murder them through an elaborate health care system. They think Obama is Hitler, Stalin, the Anti-Christ, and a sleeper Muslim terrorist born in Kenya, all at the same time. I know humans have complex brains, but I cannot comprehend how these folks can simultaneously believe so many completely contradictory things. Nor do I understand how they can accuse "liberals" of being "unpatriotic," when they are ready (and threatening) to secede and "rise again" in another civil war. Doesn't that make them unpatriotic?

Conservatives got in bed with these frigid prudes, and now they are going to have to marry them. Yup. The party of Lincoln is full of confederate-flag waving bigots because that's what they asked for. The GOP has convinced them that they are the only "real Americans." That they are somehow entitled to have their point of view imposed on people despite the fact that we supposedly live in a free society. And now that they have infested the party of abolition, they are not leaving. Not really. Don't be fooled by the Tea Baggers. You can see the GOP daily begging these fringy fools to come back into the fold.

So having fomented revolutionary thoughts and bigoted hatred, what is the GOP going to do with its members? Is it going to give them what they want? Is it going to kick Obama out of the White House despite his natural citizenship? Is it going to lock him up in Gitmo and torture him 'til he confesses to being a terrorist? Is it going to really take evolution education out of public schools and replace it with creationism? Is it even going to try to do these things? I want to say "of course not," but the patients have so taken control of the asylum, that I'm a little worried.

My question is: Can the GOP find a true conservative to lead it? Is there one left?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

" love, honor and cherish, for the next three years..."

I had an epiphany. Don't freak. I don't think I am Jesus or Mary or Isis or anything. And I'm not starting a cult. I just had a moment of clarity. Here it is:

Why don't people get married for periods of time shorter than "'til death do us part?" More than half of modern marriages end in divorce, so why don't we change marriage to allow couples to marry just for periods of time that they agree to.

Marriage is a contract. And a contract can specify a period of time. So why not?

Judeo-Christian morality aside ('cause clearly that's not helping prevent adultery, domestic violence, or divorce) can you think of a reason?

One could argue that children are involved. But they are involved in divorce too. This way, there's way less emotional upset and shock, and expectations are different. The same support laws could apply. I'm just not seeing the problem here. Some people just need to start seeing marriage for what it is in our modern world. For most people, it is not permanent. It is temporary. Why not adjust our expectations and laws to address reality?

Advantages of the RampantAnthem Marriage Construct:

1 - Allows horny religious people who refuse to engage in sex outside of marriage to comply with moral constructs and not completely ruin their lives.

2 - Allows/requires people to reassess their relationships when the end date of their marriage approaches. This can't be a bad thing.

3 - Reduces the commitment phobia by allowing people to "try" marriage.

We are basically serial monogamists anyway. Lets just make it legal and make honest men and women of us all, and reduce the burden on divorce courts.

Slightly unrelated note: Divorce should be automatic when one spouse is found guilty of abuse, or any crime that results in imprisonment. Wouldn't that simplify things?

Friday, March 5, 2010

"I Only Love Myself Through Beer Goggles"

This is pathetic and infuriating. Let's call it "pathuriating." (OK, not as good as stupil, I admit.)

California democrat, state Senator Roy Ashburn, renown for his anti-gay voting record, was arrested for DUI (he blew a 0.14 blood-alcohol) after LEAVING A GAY BAR. Sacramento's openly gay Mayor told the media he's seen Ashburn in gay bars "a number of times." (I think he just meant he has "observed" him there. I don't think he is "seeing" him.)

Just going to a gay bar does not mean he's gay. Even if he's been in gay bars "a number of times." I'm sure he just goes for the fancy, fruity drinks and the modern electro-dance music. But I'm sure he's not actually gay, 'cause that would make him a big, flaming, hypocrite, or "hypo."

Self-loathing is a sad thing, and I don't doubt that Ashburn felt he had to vote to discriminate against himself in order put another lock on that closet. But maybe seeking counseling in between visits to the men's room to "mingle" with your "constituents" would be more helpful that numbing your feelings with booze - and then driving a car drunk.

Finally, if your gonna pull this hypo, self-loathing shit, join the GOP. You'll fit right in.

Since first posting this, Roy has publicly admitted he's gay. *shock!*

Thursday, March 4, 2010

People Who Say "God Hates Fags" Are Stupil

"Stupil" is a new word I just made up. It applies to the most extreme combinations of "stupidity" and "evil."

stupid + evil = STUPIL.

How are they stupid? Let me count the ways -

(1) Because hating someone for being different is ignorant bigotry. There is no rational or moral justification for such animosity against people who simply are attracted to members of the same gender. So, stupid is the best word I can think of for this.

(2) Because they purport to be "Christian," but clearly have no idea what the primary teachings of Jesus were. When asked what the most important commandment was, Jesus did not say "To hate fags" (sorry, stupil assholes). He answered that the most important commandments - there are 2 - are to love God and love one another. There were no qualifications or conditions, just "love one another." So, the signs would be more accurate if they said "God loves fags."

(3) Because they pretend to know and understand the mind and feelings of their God. Right. I'm sure He (or She or It) spoke to you from the bottom of your Bud Lite can or from your favorite NASCAR driver's ass.

There are more reasons they are stupid, like denying evolution, thinking Obama is a foreign born sleeper terrorist, etc., but let's move on to evil.

They are evil because they not only harbor hate towards innocent people, but because they take to the street encouraging others to do so as well. It is a campaign of hate. Ironically, these stupil fuckers like to compare Obama to Hitler. But in fact, their propaganda campaign against the gays and lesbians (and presumably bisexuals and transsexuals) is a "final solution" type movement. To hate something is to desire its utter destruction. And to hate a group of people is to desire their annihilation. So yeah, they are evil. If you disagree, convince me that I'm wrong!

The good news is these stupil idiots come out in the light of day, so we can see who they people are.

On a lighter note - please notice the one sign depicting the stick figures in position to engage in "rear entry-course" - though apparently without penis or anus. The stick person in the back is like half the height of the stick person in the front. Odd couple. But I say live and let stick figures live.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Puck You, IOC!

The Canadian Women's Hockey team won the Gold Medal for the third consecutive time. They shook hands, high fived, got their medals, sang "O, Canada," and then celebrated. Then they apologized.

Apparently the IOC was upset because they took the celebration back onto the ice after the spectators were gone, drinking beer and champagne, smoking cigars, and taking pictures. As far as I have been able to discern, there were no illegal drugs, no hookers (or gigolos) and no damage was done to the arena.

Apparently, the IOC is OK with muckity-mucks taking bribes for their vote on the next Olympic host, but not OK with fun.

On behalf of the Canadian Women's Hockey Team (though they have no idea who I am), let me say to the IOC - "PUCK YOU, HOSERS. YOU SUCK!"

Those ladies worked their asses off for years to be that good at hockey. And most of them will never be able to make a living at it since professional sports are basically non-existent for women.

What's more, we're talking hockey, here, not Ladies Fig's (which I just learned refers to Ladies Figure Skating). It's rough and violent and fast and stinky. It's the least civilized of all the winter sports. Did you expect them to celebrate with flourishing bows in sequined outfits? If you did, you're pretty fucking stupid.

So I say if they wanna guzzle some beer and smoke some stogies in the privacy of the empty arena, who the hell are you to object? Mind your own business, eh.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Elderly Italian Chef Enjoys Eating Pu$$ie$

A TV chef in Italy has been suspended from production because of his love of Gatto in Umido. In English, this is CAT STEW.

The fur began to fly during a broadcast of the live show when 77 year old chef Giuseppe "Beppe" Bigazzi began explaining that the stew is a delicacy of the Tuscan Arno Valley.

Apparently, the feline nosh become popular as a result of food shortages during and after WWII. But Beppe insisted that it was not purely out of desperation, but an appreciation of the delectable taste. He instructed how to prep Garfield and what kind of sauce is best.

The co-host was shocked and the producers offended. Beppe refused to apologize and was suspended. He predicted he would be excoriated by what he called "racist environmentalists."

I'm not sure what race has to do with eating cats. And I doubt sparing kitty from the crock-pot will help fight global warming. Beppe simply doesn't get it. People don't want to imagine him eating Fluffy.

The divergence between pet and food is more blurry for some species: rabbits, pigs, guinea fowl, etc. But cats? Not so much, at least among western cultures.

I actually have cats as pets. But I don't think his POV is that offensive. It's not like he's trapping people's pets and serving them in his restaurant. At least I don't think he is.

People can be such snobs. In huge portions of the world, people eat reptiles and insects. And we are offended by cat stew? Please!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Let Texas Secede, Raise America's IQ

Just saw this on The Daily Kos and had to pass it along and comment.

According to a University of Texas/Texas Tribune Poll, nearly 1/3 of Texans believe humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth at the same time. Even worse, more than half of Texans reject the theory that humans developed from earlier species of animals.

I just ....... no words. It gets even worse.

* 38 percent of Texans agreed with the statement "God created human beings pretty much in their present form about 10,000 years ago."

* 22 percent of Texans said life has existed in its present form since the beginning of time

* 51 percent of Texans disagreed with the statement, "human beings, as we know them today, developed from earlier species of animals."

* only 41 percent pf Texans know that humans did not live at the same time as the dinosaurs

Americans - including Texans - have access to technology and education, and yet these knuckle-draggers are holding us back. (The irony - they reject evolution, and yet prove it by being superstitious cavemen (cavepeople?).) Remember this earlier blog about the less-evolved Neanderthals? Well, friends, we have found a tribe of them in Texas. How fitting.

So all you tea-bagging rednecks in Texas who want to secede from the US - go for it. Please. Form your own little ignorant Neanderthal nation and see what happens when you make neo-Neanderthals with your cousins. Good riddance to useless dead weight.

Afterword - Just as I was wrapping this up, I went looking for a picture of a human riding a dinosaur online, and I found this. "Why is it so difficult for people to accept that dinosaurs and humans once lived together?" the writers ask. Really? Um - just off the top of my head: carbon dating, scientific method, archaeological excavation, and thinking. Dumb shits.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Kansas, I Don't Think You're in Kansas Anymore

Kansas lawmaker Steve Brunk (R) (*shock*) equated the crime of rape with grand theft auto.

He is supporting a bill that would prohibit private insurance from covering voluntary abortions unless the insured buys a "special" plan. This prohibition would not apply to abortions performed to save the life of the mother, or in cases of rape or incest, but in the latter cases, ONLY if the victim filed a police report. No police report - no insurance, just like your car was stolen. That's what he said.

It always amazes me that Republicans want government just small enough to fit into everyone's bedroom, and into a woman's uterus. I though the GOP wanted the government out of people's lives. Oh, I see, they want government out of their lives, and infringing into other people's lives.

I would ask Mr. Brunk if he supports health care reform so that poor families can get medical care for their children. I would ask Mr. Brunk what he has done to fund adoption programs. And I would ask him to mind his own fucking business and let the private insurance industry and private citizens do business without his self-righteous, misogynistic POV being foisted on them. Yeah, I said foisted - the real "f-word."

What happened to Kansas? It used to be middle America. Now its the land of kooks and hatemongers who beat their chests with Bibles. Are lack of compassion and obsession with other people's reproductive choices tenets of Christianity that no one told me about?

If this is Kansas, give me Oz.

Tax Protesters are Stupid

No, this is not a picture from September 11, 2001. This is from today.

In Texas, a tax-protesting-moron named Joseph Stack (let's call him "Joe the Dumber") set fire to his own house and then flew a small plane into an office building. He's a terrorist. Don't care that he's a right-wing white guy in Texas. Killing a bunch of innocent people because the world will not conform to his personal idea of Nirvana is a terrorist act. And I'm guessing he won't even get 72 virgins. Moron.

No one loves paying taxes. Despite what Rush and Glenn may tell people, liberals don't get teary and sentimental paying taxes (at least I don't). We just agree with the rather capitalistic idea that we should pay for what we get: like military protection, police and fire services, paved roads, FEMA, a public education, air traffic controllers, the DMV, street lights (traffic and illuminating), etc. The list can go on and on and on. We take for granted the many services our federal, state, and local governments provide that make our lives bearable. They provide these services so we can have a stable and comfortable society, so we can live, so we can do business.

Do the big bailouts piss me off? They sure as hell do! But that does not excuse me from paying taxes. Plus, we forget that when there are bailouts, the money usually gets paid back. Back in the S&L crisis in the 1980s, the Resolution Trust Corporation was created for bailing out, and all of that money was repaid. And many banks today have repaid their bailout money. Plus, we still have banks, which we kinda need to do business.

So can we stop acting like petulant children, or in the case of Joe the Dumber, like suicidal terrorist douchebags? As a percentage, Americans pay lower taxes than most other industrialized countries, and we have a very stable government, a great military, and a free society in which to live and transact business. Maybe when we pay our taxes, we should console ourselves with the fact that we get something pretty great for our money.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Making Fun of Sister Sarah - The International Language

One technique for ending adversarial relationships is finding common ground. We may have found common ground with the middle east - at least Saudi Arabia. Apparently, Saudis like to make fun of Sarah Palin too.

When Hillary Clinton recently held a town meeting in the Arab country, the following transpired: "Does the prospect of Sarah Palin one day becoming president maybe terrify you?" the student asked. "And if so, would you consider emigrating to Canada or possibly even Russia?"

She laughed heartily at the question and said no, she would not emigrate from the US, but she would visit a lot.

Do you know what terrifies me? This student in Saudi Arabia knows that Sister Sarah is an ignorant tool, but large numbers of Americans think she should be our next President. To quote Forest Gump, "Stupid is as stupid does." Well, supporting Palin in any election - and I mean any - is STUPID. And anyone who does it is, IMO, STUPID.

I will grant one except to the sweeping judgment of stupidity: it is possible that someone could vote for Palin because he or she simply hates this country. That could be. Though aside from malice and stupidity, I see no rational basis to ever take her seriously. And this bright young man from Saudi Arabia agrees with me.

So with this common ground, I hope that our Secretary of State can forge a better relationship with the Arab world. After all, if enemy of my enemy is my friend, then surely the other people who mock the redneck wolf-shooting moron are my friends as well.

This Just In: Adam Lambert Bitch-Slaps Rudeness

Two nights ago Glambert was performing a "stripped" (read acustic) concert for Iheartradio in NYC. Right in the front row, a woman took a cell phone call and proceed to talk on the phone very loudly during a rather emo performance of "Whadaya Want From Me." He made it through most of the song, then stopped singing. While the band continued to play for a moment, he asked her to turn off her phone. Told her she was "yelling" into the phone. Gave her a "Really?" And then mocked her a little saying "You're not watching TV, honey. This is a live show." Then he started the song over, much to the elation of the crowd.

The first blog I saw discuss this ( called Adam a Diva for behaving this way.

Thereafter, most bloggers and reporters have been pretty ncie to him, siding against rude cell phone use at such an event.

I had several thoughts about this entire kerfuffle -

Why even go to such a concert, fighting the crowd, parking, etc., only to piss on the event by talking on the phone? If you need to talk on the phone, stay home, or go to a Kanye West concert where rudeness is celebrated.

And holy balls! What cajones to take the call and shout into the phone right in front of American's newest WonderGay? Didn't she just know she was gonna get called out? Does Adam seem shy? At all?

She should count herself lucky that one of the cougar-aged LambSkanks in attendance didn't rip out her hair and lecture her on Adam's inherent glittery perfection.

Adam may have lost one fan by embarassing her for her rudeness. But he may have gained a whole new group of fans who know nothing about his music but are sick and fucking tired of rude and inconsiderate behavior.

*chanting* Go Glambert! Go Glambert! Go Glambert! Go Glambert!

You can see the video of the metaphorical bitch-slap here.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Sparkles Likes Dogs, Hates Pussies

Robert Pattinson, aka "Sparkles," recently told Details magazine, "I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vaginas." He also revealed that he "likes dogs."

Um, Sparkles, I have a few questions.

1 - Can you be a heterosexual and still hate vaginas? I am going to answer this myself: I don't see why not since there are straight men who hate women altogether. As examples I cite Rush Limbaugh (He has to be hetero because the gay community would not put up with that bullshit. They would take a bitch out!) and one of my former employers who I will assign the pseudonym Richard Cranium (who referred to his own mother and his wife as "fat asses"). Still, I suspect those two misogynists would tell you one part of a women they do love is the vagina.

2 - When you say you hate vaginas and you like dogs in the same interview, what am I supposed to infer from that? You don't like bitches? Or is this a veiled way of alluding to a secret affair with Taylor Lautner (who has no vagina and plays a dog in the Twilight movies).

Finally, Sparkles, (Can I call you "Bob?") enough of the secret affair(s) bullshit! Just love who you're gonna love, screw who you're gonna screw, and drop the whole cock/vagina-tease thing. It's boring, and you are really, really confusing your poor tweeny fans. They don't know whether to squeal or flail or just faint. They don't care which team you play for and they sure as hell don't need to know that you are allergic to vaginas.

(Grammar note: Spellcheck kept highlighting "vaginas." Is the plural "vagini" or "vaginae?" Could not figure it out!)

Friday, February 12, 2010

2010 Winter Games in Dire Need of a Snow Job

So with all the hubbub over the blizzard striking the deep south in the US, few have noticed the fact that Vancouver, BC has little or no snow for the 2010 Winter Games opening tonight. In fact, they just ended the warmest January on record for the city.

Maybe we should consider allowing Atlanta, GA to host the next winter games? (This picture from Atlanta taken today!) What with the climate change fiasco we are experiencing, who knows where to ski, or where to sunbathe?

They've had the snow machines running overtime in Vancouver to get the mountains all white and icy for the skiers. But if the spectators show up in shorts, Imma turn it off. Seriously.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Lead, Follow, or Get The Hell Outta the Way!

Pictured: Sen. Minority (GOP) Leader Mitch McConnell, aka "Yurtle, the Turtle"

OK, GOP, you had the White House for 8 years and Congress for 7 years, and you screwed it all up so badly, it may take an entire generation to recover.

So deservedly, you lost many elections and you are the minority party. Now, take your lumps, and act like you give a crap about your country. You do this by taking the lead, following, or getting the hell out of the way.

Sure, you can probably win political momentum by simply being the party of Nope. (If this happens and you regain power by obstructing everything, the people get what they deserve. Also, turnabout is fair play. So expect similar treatment.)

But how much do you really hate your country and its people? Enough to see it flounder and its people jobless, without medical care, and suffering? Apparently, you are just a bunch of power-hungry, narcissistic, opportunistic pricks. Why else would you now threaten to filibuster and stop legislation you have previously supported, or even co-sponsored?

Like any bad child, you will not behave unless forced, so I will direct the remainder of my blog to the Democrats.

Democrats, get your head out of your tolerant, PC asses and fight for the American people.

Ex A - Sen. Dick Shelby(R-AL) has 70 federal homeland security appointments held up because he wants a huge earmark contract for an Airbus plant in his state. (Airbus is a French company, BTW.) They did this crap under Clinton too. So, change the rules. Publicly shame him at every opportunity. Dig up dirt on him and make him irrelevant. Stop taking this shit so peacefully. Right now, you are his accomplice in hurting the American people because you are doing nothing to stop him.

Ex B - GOP threatens to filibuster - everything. LET THEM! Let them filibuster and stand there on TV for days reading encyclopedias to prevent the government from functioning. Call their stupid bluff. What are you afraid of? I predict that the longer those dumb-asses talk, the higher the approval rating for the Dem's and Obama will go.

Ex C - The GOP lies, lies, lies, and they are not smart enough to lie cleverly. President Obama's question time with the GOP was a great first step in calling them out. Do it more! When they go on TV and lie, call a freaking press conference, go on the nightly news, do something, and CALL THEM LIARS. Especially the ones who lie all the time - McConnell, Palin, Rove, Cheney, etc (the list is too long).

Finally, accept that the GOP has been taken over by scary nuts. Large percentages of self-identified Republicans think Obama is not a citizen of the US, think Obama should be impeached, think that Obama is a socialist, etc. The Tea Baggers are advocating literacy tests to vote, and let's be honest - they are Republicans. (Racist much?) Show me something that is not white, christian, heterosexual, and/or NASCAR, and I'll show you something they hate (read "fear").

I say give them lip service and shame the GOP into cooperating if you can, but be prepared to cut the head off that snake, 'cause dudes (and dudettes), it's a snake. It's not your friend, and it's not on your side. What's worse, it's not on any side but its own.

Friday, February 5, 2010

EW! and OMG! and WTF!? All in One Story


OK, the EW! - some guy had sex with a 10-year-old girl. Hope they find that molesting bastard and lock his pervy ass up.

Now the OMG! - it was reportedly a vaginal delivery. An 11 year old girl is not fully grown, her bones are not fused, and her small size and mid-pubescent body is NOT designed for pregnancy or delivery. Doctors say she may not grow any more because of this pregnancy.

And finally, the WTF!? - One of the reports I saw on this story said the baby's father is the girl's mother's (the baby's grandmother's) boyfriend. And Grandma announced that the baby is "absolutely beautiful." I'm glad, but WTF!? Grandma should go to jail too. What the fuck is her problem?

If I have ever heard a case for an abortion, this was it. (Yeah, that's right, I said it!) Since that decision was not made when it should have been, I hope all are healthy and fine. But let's go back to week 6 of the 10 year-old's pregnancy. What went through that fucked-up mom's mind? "Oh goody, a grandchild! And he'll look just like my hot boyfriend since he's the baby daddy."

I think a more rational reaction would have been: "Officer, can you come arrest my child-molesting boyfriend who knocked-up my 10-year-old daughter. Then we'll need a ride to the local Women's Health Clinic to terminate this pregnancy that is a monumental and criminal mistake that is endangering my daughter's health and life.")

I always think that I have heard the most bizarre thing ever and I will never get surprised again, and then fucked-up shit like this happens, and I am stunned.

So to summarize - EW! and OMG! and WTF!?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Don't Worry Utah, Sen. Hatch Does Hate Gay People After All!

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch told MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell earlier today that he “believe[d] there are very outstanding, patriotic gay people who serve in the military. … And they shouldn’t have to lie about being gay.” When asked if he would support of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (aka Lie Your Ass Off To Die For Your Country), he said he "didn't know about that." Not exactly waving a rainbow flag, but pretty middle-of-the-road for the conservative Mormon Republican. This obviously made news.

Cue back-peddling!

Clearly afraid that his conservative Mormon constituents might think he does not H8 gay people, he quickly amended his previous position, stating "It’s deeply regrettable that liberal groups are misconstruing my position on ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ for activist purposes. I certainly do not support repealing this policy.”

Whew! Close call, there Orrin! Your gay-H8ing constituents might have had to find a more conservative alternative to you the next time your dynasty in the Senate is up for review. (Of course, being Utah, it won't be Tea Baggers, 'cause Mormons aren't permitted to consume that evil drink.)

In all seriousness, it's too bad Orrin couldn't be the leader he seemed to instinctively want to be. He sounded like a reasonable guy there for a few minutes. Then the GOP Nope police pulled him over and most assuredly beat him into political submission. Orrin, Teddy would be ashamed of you.

Is there not a single leader in the GOP? Not one? No one who's willing to do what even he or she thinks is best for the country? It's sad to see the Party of Lincoln has degenerated to this - mindless automatons who hold onto the Nope rope in order to obstruct governing.

I have a couple of questions for you, GOP. If you do get some power, who is going to lead you? And what if you reap what you sow and the Dems become the party of Nope? What will you do then?

Don't worry your empty little heads about it right now. It's not like your party to have an exit strategy anyway. Fiddle-Dee-Dee. Worry about that tomorrow. For now, take comfort in the fact that your party is still the party of Nope - and H8.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Why Would Anyone Want to Bring Marie Antoinette Back from the Dead?

I know PigeonPoll is stupid anyway, but this just caught my attention. The poll question: Who would you want to bring back from the dead? Most of the options were musical performers, Elvis, Janis Joplin, etc. But one option was Marie Antoinette.

Marie Antoinette? Who the fuck would want to bring back Marie Antoinette?

First, we probably wouldn't be able to communicate because her dialect of French would be difficult to understand (I'm guessing).

Second, what a spoiled bitch! Let them eat cake?

And finally, how many Americans even know who the hell she is?

Come on, PigeonPoll. Give us some real options. I didn't even see Michael Jackson on the list!

(Though, on the up side - we could land a rescue helicopter on her foreheadscape.)

Neo-Cons are Neo-Crazy

So this guy, Daniel Pipes, who opposes and "fears" Obama's policies (his words) has suggested that he (Obama) can save his presidency by "bombing Iran." WHAT! THE! FUCK?!!!

We mock Ahmadinejad for being crazy, psycho, homicidal, whatever, when he suggests that Israel should be destroyed. How is he any different from Daniel Pipes? They both have beards. They are both homicidal. They both like attention. And neither has any real power. Huh. Not different at all.

Mr. Pipes' suggestion has several layers of crazy.

Layer 1 - bombing any country to "save" your political job is evil to the tenth power. As exhibit A, I offer this evil dude who truly redefined "wagging the dog:"

Layer 2 - It is crazy to suggest that Obama would do such a thing IMO. In addition to what he is already forced to do in Iraq and Afghanistan, Obama may have to bomb something or someone at some point to protect America or its interests, but since he understands the concepts of diplomacy, sanctions, communication, tolerance, multilateral action, and strategy, I trust that if he does, it will only be because there were no other options. Unlike Exhibit A up there.

Layer 3 - Why the fuck would this asshat want to "save" Obama's presidency? Maybe he doesn't. May instead, he wants to prevent him from implementing his policies hoping the US will utterly fail so his minions can swoop in again and profiteer off of America's suffering (as they did with Haliburton after 9/11 and the unwarranted war in Iraq.) What other explanation is there for the GOP to oppose and criticize proposed policies that THEY ONCE CO-SPONSORED!?

And just to complete the red-velvet-like quality to this fucked-up cake - Layer 4 - Have we not pissed off enough Muslims in the world? I know we were the "victims" on 9/11, but since then, we have invaded two Muslim countries, still occupying both. And bombing Iran is really, really a bad idea. There is a growing political movement of moderate, westernized young people in Iran. It will be a struggle there for years to come, but a truly free Iran will only grow from within. It cannot be foisted upon them. Since they are on their way (remember Tienanmen Square in the early 1990s?), let them be. Monitor them, sanction them when they misbehave, etc., but an unprovoked attack?

I know it's like feeding the lions to sing "bomb, bomb, bomb... bomb, bomb Iran." It gets the pulses racing and gives the rednecks "funny feelings in their pants." But that's not leadership, that's hooliganism.

Hooligans at soccer games are scary and potentially deadly. Hooligans in the Whitehouse are really scary and potentially genocidal.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Taylor Gave Swift, Painful Kick to Rhiannon

I have never really been a Taylor Swift fan. But I've also never had much bad to say about her. I found her music a little boring, but it was good enough. And I respect that she writes her own stuff and plays instruments. And as you can see above, she is a very pretty young woman.

Here comes the big BUT:

What she did to Rhiannon with Stevie Nicks last night on the Grammys is truly unforgettable - and not in a good way. She made Stevie Nicks sound good.

I have heard other people say Taylor couldn't sing, and I never really thought that - until last night. She seemed completely oblivious to the fact that she was not even close to singing the right notes. I mean, she wasn't flat or sharp, she was galactically wrong.

I heard one person suggest she was drunk. Does drinking make her deaf? I was a little tipsy watching it, and I could tell she was fucking it up!

I waited 'til today to see if I really wanted to blog about this. It seems like kicking a "bitch" while she is down. But then she won for Album of the Year - over GaGa and Beyonce - and I thought, fuck it. That tone deaf bitch can take a beatdown.

So, to you Taylor Swift, I say this: don't take it to heart. Bob Dylan is a true artist, a poet of his generation, and he can't really sign either. Just stick to writing and keep the singing in the studio where the engineers and reverb can fix it. It's what Brittany does, and it seems to work for her.

Also, all you cool cats who mock American Idol - did you hear Carrier Underwood and Jennifer Hudson? They sounded fantastic! Maybe the rest of the music industry can use a little Hollywood Week and Simon-judging - DAWG.

Friday, January 29, 2010

I Just Cannot Let This Go Without Comment

I just saw someone comment online that a celebrity was "much taller in person."

*painfully elongated eye-roll*

Are you really that fucking stupid? Or is English your second language? Obviously, he is EXACTLY THE SAME HEIGHT YOU MORON!

No, the TV is not actual size, and that reality TV star was not performing for you from inside the lighted box in your "TV Room." It is a broadcasted signal that goes magically through the air and then makes a purdy picture in your mobile home. (Shall I send you a sticker for your TV machine that says "Remember: Not Actual Size")

What I think you meant to say was that you didn't realize how tall he was. Learn to speak English fucker. And until you do, lay off the immigrants who speak with an accent. No wonder they can't learn English. We don't know how to speak it real good [(intentioally incorrect grammer)] ourselves.

Don't They Have the Death Penalty in Kansas?

This homicidal douchebag was convicted of murder today in Kansas. He's the scumbag who killed Dr. George Tiller.

The media has really done a piss-poor job of reporting this case. Yes, Dr. Tiller performed late-term abortions, but the news rarely ever described the types of circumstances that lead to such a difficult and emotionally devastating procedure. Listening to the media, you would think pregnant women just decided in their third trimester to abort their pregnancies for convenience sake. This is NOT THE CASE!

Late term abortions are rare. In 2003, from data collected in those areas that sufficiently reported gestational age, it was found that 6.2% of abortions were conducted from 13 to 15 weeks, 4.2% from 16 to 20 weeks, and 1.4% at or after 21 weeks.

Late term abortions are also highly regulated by states, with the Supreme Court permitting states to prohibit the practice except in cases of threat to the life or health of the mother with the fetus's viability also being a factor.

So no, large pregnant women never flocked to Dr. Tiller to kill their babies. That's a filthy fucking lie, a lie that these pitiable women don't deserve since they ended up in his clinic because of some serious health issues, and were forced to make a horrible, unenviable decision.

So when his murderer got on the stand this week and admitted killing Dr. Tiller, and stated that he did not regret doing so, I was glad. I was glad because I knew SCOTT ROEDER would be convicted and spend the rest of his life in prison.

Apparently, his poor lawyer tried to convince the jury (and the judge) to convict him of the lesser offense of voluntary manslaughter, but the judge wold not even permit the jury to consider that since the facts support murder, not manslaughter.

So Roeder gets to be considered for parole in 25 years, 50 years if the prosecutor has her way. Either way, it is too light a sentence for a premeditated murder trying to interfere with women's health care. Dr. Tiller gets no reprieve. I'm not sure why Roeder should. Doesn't Kansas have the death penalty?

I'm not sure I believe in Hell. But if it exists, I cannot wait for Roeder to get there.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Oh, Fernando, Say It Ain't So!

So, this is maybe the weirdest thing ever. An ABBA-themed amusement park? I can already imagine it: the staff all wear white satin outfits with loose-fitting Merlin-sleeves; the (all white) patrons' eyes are glazed over; and after the first three rides, you may as well leave BECAUSE THEY WILL ALL BE EXACTLY ALIKE.

I actually like ABBA. For 3.7 songs. Then I'm done. Cuz all their songs sound EXACTLY ALIKE! That being said ...

Here are a few questions: (1) Only ABBA music? Cuz - EW! (2) Are you gonna serve Swedish food? I mean once you get past the meatballs and the fish (the red candy) you're kinda out of palatable options. (3) What about all the hip, minority children in London and surrounding area? Is there a cool alternative? (4) Is this really a hoax?

If Michael Jackson and Donny & Marie (shut up, they're cool - ish)couldn't support amusement parks, why ABBA?

Isn't it punishment enough for Londoner's to have to see this?

(That photo is from HIS website, BTW.)

Must they also suffer hearing "Chiquitita" in a loop? OH GOD! THE HUMANITY!

Monday, January 25, 2010

You Can Teat Death

In upstate NY, a dairy farmer shot 51 of his cows and then himself - allegedly. While very sad, this story tilts the scales towards the bizarre side of the equation. I think there is something here WE DON'T KNOW! Allow me to speculate.

Alt 1 - In a very Far Side-ish move, on of the 50 surviving cows actually killed the farmer to stop the bovinacide, though how she managed to hold and aim a gun and pull a trigger I have not yet determined.

Alt 2 - He had a side job at the US Post Office and just forgot where he was.

Alt 3 - He was fucking tired of milking cows twice a day.

I suppose I am going to hell for making light of a suicide (if indeed it was a suicide), but killing 51 dairy cows? I mean, what deserves to be mocked more than that?

A final question: why do suicidal people find it necessary to take others down with them? Yeah, he saved his poor wife from having to milk cows twice a day for a while, but really what he did was KILL 51 VERY PRODUCTIVE DAIRY COWS! It's like he burned half of his family's money before he died! So, if he could hear me, I'd ask him, "What the fuck, you selfish bastard!?"

Here's some unsolicited advice from RampantAnthem: Feeling suicidal? Talk to someone, get some help. Suicide is NOT the answer! But if you have decided you are going to end it all, go someplace private - where your family cannot find your corpse - and LEAVE YOUR FAMILY'S SHIT ALONE! You're hurting them enough by killing yourself. Don't make it worse by giving them the metaphorical finger as you go.

Move Over Glambert, Make Room for Slambert

I had heard some time ago that Adam Lambert's brother Neil wrote a blog called
NegativeNeil. I have also heard Neil described as sarcastic and cynical, really smart and funny.

So this morning I checked out his blog for the first time. And now I have to say, "Move Over Glambert, Make Room for Slambert." This guy is fucking hilarious, and sharp. Check out this mock of the Tea Parties if you don' believe me.

If you are left-leaning, sarcastic, and in dire need of catharsis, check it out.

If you are not any of those things, I suspect he'd like you to read it anyway, just to piss you off!

And BTW, there are pictures of Neil out there, but I don't think he wants to be recognized, so I passed on that option. I featured one of his Tea Party Mocking signs instead.

Friday, January 22, 2010

IDs That Are Also Hypocrits (IDHs)

This blog entry is a sequel to this one. You know, the post where I defined "Ignorant Douchebag" ("ID") in the context of cold weather and climate change?

Well, lately we have had some warmer than normal weather, and yet not one ID has commented to me that "global warming must be true." So, in addition to being IGNORANT, they are also HYPOCRITES!

Also, I just used this picture of Glenn Beck cuz I think he is ignorant, a douchebag, and a hypocrite. I don't really care what he thinks about climate change.

Monday, January 18, 2010

When We Champion Mediocrity and Ineptitude, the Terrorists Win

If you have seen the 1980s movie Amadeus, and you also understood it, you know what I am talking about.
Antonio Salieri, the untalented but politically astute Court Composer and Austrian contemporary of the genius Mozart, is perhaps the epitome of mediocrity. In the movie, he uses that word to describe himself. And mediocrity often gets championed because, really, most people cannot distinguish mediocre from great in every area. For me, it's wine.

I like good wine. But if you put a great wine in front of me next to a good wine, I probably could not tell you which one is better. I can only tell you which one I like better. But there are objective measures of greatness, in wine, in music, in art, in leadership, etc.

Mediocre is still better than awful or inept. As time passes, we can look back and distinguish: Abe Lincoln = great; George H.W. Bush = mediocre; George W. Bush = inept.
Likewise Mozart = great; Salieri = mediocre; General Larry Platt's "Pants On The Ground" = awful. (Yes, it's catchy. So is "The Song That Never Ends" and swine flu. Doesn't make it good. BTW, Salieri's music was called catchy too. Do you ever hear his music now? But you still hear Mozart ALL THE TIME!)

Every once in a while, "great" catches our imagination and gets the attention it deserves. But what we really champion is the "regular guy" doing something we all think we can do. "I voted for that guy cuz he's like me." You know what douchebag, you are not qualified to be President of the United States, so if he's like you, he's not qualified either!

I don't want someone like me running my country, cooking my food, making music, or solving energy problems. I want the smartest and most talented fuckers on the planet working on these things. I want them to be so smart and so talented that they just seem weird to the normal people like you and me.

If we want our civilization to thrive, we have to stop championing mediocrity (and ineptitude) and start recognizing greatness. If we can't do that, maybe we will accidentally trip over greatness once in a while and stay afloat.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Nothing Wrong With Vanilla.

Did you know that Vanilla is the most popular flavor of ice cream in the world? And not by a small margin. It's favored about 3-1 over the second favorite - chocolate.

So when someone says to you, "Don't be so vanilla!" like that's something to be ashamed of, tell him or her to shut the hell up.

Something that is simple and safe can still be good. Not everything or everyone has to be provocative and full of nuts. Not a thing wrong with vanilla.