Friday, April 23, 2010

"The One-Legged Man Did It!"

A group of volunteers in Sharon, Pennsylvania regularly patrol the banks of the Shenango River cleaning up debris and other items illegally dumped there. A laudable task, no doubt.

Recently, they found a prosthetic leg, shoe still attached. (Apparently, "Shenango" means "toss plastic limbs in here.")

I think they should make a police report for illegal dumping/littering. And tell the cops ... well, you read the title.

Finally, shouldn't the police be looking for the organic part that used to be attached to the leg?

Monday, April 19, 2010

Palin Wants a Theocracy, But Women Are Not Allowed to Be Imams

While we are spending trillions of dollars trying to get Muslim countries to abandon their sectarian, theocratic ideas of government and adopt secular government, our own Sister Sarah is driving the horse-cart in the wrong direction.

She wants a Theocracy.

What a fucking stupid idea. But considering the source...

Imagine all the people, killing each other over their nuanced beliefs in the same faith. Catholics and Mormons and Lutherans and Pentecostals. And it goes without saying that those of other faiths have strong feelings as well: Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Shintos, Muslims, etc.

You think this is a stretch? I doubt it. With separation of church and state, people have a sense that their religious beliefs are personal, not public. But start imposing particular religious practices and beliefs on people, and watch the result. Have you heard of the Iraq-Iran war? The Shia and Sunni still hate each other, killing each other regularly. And they are all Muslim.

I wonder is Sister Sarah stopped for a moment to think about what she is saying. It's not like her pentecostal faith promotes women in strong leadership positions. My guess: in a theocracy, she'd be hunting from the back of the helicopter.

I actually had a Mormon advocate theocracy to me as well. He wanted a government that imposed morality according to scripture. Well, my question was: Whose? I wonder if he considered the fact that if we actually did have a theocracy in the US, Mormons would be the minority. Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Mormon.

What this really comes down to is these biggots wanting to suppress anything and anyone different from them. The problem they are not considering: They may not be the biggots in charge.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Children Are Not Puppies, But Huckabee Is a Bitch!

In furtherance of his dark ages campaign against any type of rights for gay people in this country, former Arkansas Governor and Presidential loser Mike Huckabee said this in support of prohibiting gay couples from adopting:

"Children are not puppies," he said. "This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?"

And he compared gay marriage to drug use, incest, and polygamy.

BTW, it's not gay couples that treat children like puppies. Did you see my last post?

Friday, April 9, 2010

God Gave you 19 Kids? OK. It's Still A Freak Show!

The clearly very fertile Duggars recently took their 19th naturally born child home form the hospital after is was born three months premature. Little Josie (pictured above) will join her 17 brothers and sisters (Number One Son is married, out of the house, and has a kid of his own now.) in the barracks.

The quote below is from an article I read that is somewhat critical of the Duggars, but also points out the good things about this family. This particular excerpt points out the inherent problem of such a large family.

"[T]hey said on their Web site that one of their goals in parenting a large family is making sure they have individual conversations with each child at least -- wait for it -- once a week! Can you imagine how loved a kid must feel getting penciled in to talk to Dad on Wednesdays at 2:35? It sounds more like a parent/teacher conference than parent/child relationship. (Better not be late!) The family also has Operational Definitions of Character Qualities they expect of their kids. I think I had one of those at the mega-company I used to work for. The kids are also paired off in a buddy system so an older child can mentor and help a younger one."

I only have one sibling. Yet my parents often called me by my sister's name. Once, my father looked straight at me and called me by the dog's name. I laughed. But WTF must these kids think? The younger ones are being raised by the older kids. Isn't that a form of child abuse? Or neglect? I'm sure it's better than an orphanage or foster care. But barely.

The Duggars (which is evangelical for "rabbits") keep having babies out of religious conviction. But even Jacob only had 12 sons. (If he had any daughters, the Bible is mum. Girls don't count in the Bible except to (1) cause the fall of man or (2) be whores or (3) be the virgin mother of the messiah.)

I have a libertarian streak. I recognize the Duggars' right to repopulate the state of Arkansas single handedly (double handedly?), but I also have to say that having children and loving children are different things. And by loving, I don't mean how they feel about them. I mean actually knowing them, spending time with them, paying attention to them, etc.

I guess the Duggar kids would say they are loved. But I still think it's a freak show. Obviously, other people agree with me. Why else would they be on TV?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Tiger Gets His Balls Off

Tiger Woods, the only person in America who LOVES Jesse James, returned to the links today.

He was cheered and jeered. One jokester paid to have a plane fly over the course with a banner reading "Tiger did you mean BOOTYISM?" Pretty Clever. Her are some alternatives.

"You've got balls!"

"Get it in the hole!"

"Move your hand up the shaft a little!"

"You're a swinger!"

"Tiger Woods: always coming and golfing."

I never realized golf was such a dirty game until today.

Did you know Tiger went to a sex addiction rehab facility in Hattiesburg, Mississippi? Sex addiction rehab in Hattiesburg, Mississippi? (Anyone else thinking "Deliverance" right now?)

And did you see the commercial Nike did of sad!Tiger with his father's voice over? IRONY - Apparently, TigerPapa was a womanizer too. So lesson learned? Act repentant, exploit your dead, adulterous father, and practice your swing.

Really Old Homo Found in South African Cave

And it ain't Sir Elton John.

The nerdy/wonky anthropological debate begins: Is he Australopithecus (like Lucy, a tree climber whose remains date back over 3.2 million years) or Homo (a land runner). It appears to have some characteristics of both, and it's between 1.78 and 1.95 million years old. For now, it's being classified as "Australopithecus sediba."

Those of us who breathe through our noses and walk fully erect (our spines, not - you know) think THIS is an interesting debate. Do you know what is less interesting? Evolution vs Creationism. *yawning*

(Do you believe in evolution? No? No matter. Evolution believes in you!)

Do you know how many conspiracies, frauds, and plots would have to be in place for evolution to be fictitious? Yet some "people," (I use the term loosely) still refuse to accept it. Do you get why I need to use profanity?

Ask yourself the same question about Creationism: How many conspiracies, frauds, and plots would have to be in place for Creationism to be fictitious? Answer: ZERO.

Ergo - go for the banana, not the manna.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Grand Wizard, I Mean Governor, of Virgina is a Confederate

Check this guy out! He's bringing racist back!

This is Bob. Bob is smiling because he just reinstated Confederate History Month in the Commonwealth of Virginia. (I don't know if his dick works. I'm hoping not.)

Bob thinks we need to "reflect upon our Commonwealth's shared history, to understand the sacrifices of the Confederate leaders, soldiers and citizens during the period of the Civil War." Those are Bob's reasons for reinstating this inanity/insanity.

Do we need to take a moment and show some reverence to slavery, rebellion, secession, and hubris? Do we need to say "Fuck You!" to all the descendants of American slaves who have fought to stop the celebration of this embarrassment in our history? I'm not saying forget our history. But let's stop glorifying the secession and the Civil War as somehow justified actions by the South. There was no honor in killing and/or dying to prolong slavery. There was no honor in forsaking your country over political disagreement. We like to be nice about it, but let's be honest: the south was fighting to maintain an immoral economic caste system that relied on owning other human beings. No. Honor. There. I don't care how right they thought they were.

This is not about history or states' rights or other bullshit and it never has been. It's about flaunting your long-disproven fantasy of racial and cultural superiority over black people and outsiders who don't eat grits. You go, Bob, and wave your Confederate Flag, and smile for the camera. Your days as a political leader are numbered. If they aren't, then I am truly worried for our country.

Let's wrap this up with a song, shall we?

~Old McDonnell had a Hat. E I E I O, shit!~

~And on that hat, he had a point, E I E I O, Hell!~

~With a burning cross here, and a confederate flag there, E I E I O, Crap.~

Come on Virginians! Can't you do better than Bob?

(This is not a picture of Bob under the hood. It's just a random picture I found on the internet of another racist. I don't know if Bob is a member of the Klan.)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

"It's All in God's Hands. What Can I Do?"

I read this on Twitter:

"Its by the Grace of God that I have what I have! & its by the Grace of God that you have what you have! Its by His Grace & His Grace alone!"

Punctuation problems aside (What is it with people and apostrophes?), this is stupid.

By this illogic, I should just quit my job and wait for God to bestow a windfall of on me. I have no responsibilities or obligations. I'm just a spiritual jellyfish, floating on the generosity of the great bearded guy in the sky.

If this is true, then God only sorta likes me, 'cause I don't have that much. And he must really hate poor people. Why else would they have so little?

This is nihilistic, fatalistic, moronic dogma.

What really kills me: I see this shit from the same people who post quotes from Ayn Rand.

NEWSFLASH: You cannot be a fatalistic pre-determination Christiamoton and a rugged individualist at the same time! These two ways of thinking are mutually exclusive. No wonder you sound so confused. You are confused.

If you're gonna be a sheep, be a sheep. If you're gonna be a self-sufficient, responsible adult human, be that. You cannot be both. Unless you're that weird sheep-man in that political ad. He may be both.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

5 Things We Should Do, But Don't, 'Cause We're Stupid

There are a some things we should do because facts, logic, reason, and circumstances all point us in that direction. And yet, we don't do these things. And there is no rational reason not to do these things. We just don't. And it's stupid.

Number 1 - Stop printing dollar bills, and switch to dollar coins. This will save the federal government more than $500 million per year. Yet people have a stroke when you suggest this. Why?

Number 2 - Adopt Cap and Trade for all pollutants. Industries screeched like drowning cats in the 1980s and 1990s when these limits were enacted for sulfur and nitrogen pollutants. And yet, they work. Emissions of capped pollutants were reduced enough that one rarely even hears the phrase "acid rain" any more.

(BTW - this is a basic free-market solution to prevent polluting industries from externalizing part of their costs of production. See, pollution is part of the overhead or cost of production. When it is emitted into the soil, water, or air, without charge, the industry is avoiding this cost by shifting it onto society. It is part of the cost of production to take care of emissions. NOT requiring them to pay for this is a form of corporate welfare.)

Number 3 - Standardize primary and secondary education standards and curricula nationally. Did you know that the Texas schools just dropped Thomas Jefferson from the featured list of "influential enlightenment figures" in its history books? Yes, the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence was apparently not important enough, or rather, he was too strong an advocate for separation of church and state. And they included Phyllis Schafly (a right wing religious activist) in the history book. And some states are including creationism in their science texts. I call this the "hillbilliazation of learnin'." We need national standards to protect these idiots from their own ignorance. We have to save the children from their cousins/parents!

Number 4 - Stop smoking cigarettes. Really. It's stupid, it stinks, and it kills you. Just stop. Also, it really stinks. At the very least, we should STOP SUBSIDIZING TOBACCO GROWERS! That is just fucking moronic!

Number 5 - Legalize marijuana, and tax it. Can we stop pretending that pot is going to destroy our society? Our last 3 presidents all smoked it, and we know that 2 out of three of them were not damaged by it. The biggest problem we'll face is eating too much junk food and being too mellow. And just think of the revenue! $$$$$ (This entry will be reiterated in a future blog titled, "5 Things That Are Going to Happen, So Get Used to It.")