Monday, January 25, 2010
You Can Teat Death
In upstate NY, a dairy farmer shot 51 of his cows and then himself - allegedly. While very sad, this story tilts the scales towards the bizarre side of the equation. I think there is something here WE DON'T KNOW! Allow me to speculate.
Alt 1 - In a very Far Side-ish move, on of the 50 surviving cows actually killed the farmer to stop the bovinacide, though how she managed to hold and aim a gun and pull a trigger I have not yet determined.
Alt 2 - He had a side job at the US Post Office and just forgot where he was.
Alt 3 - He was fucking tired of milking cows twice a day.
I suppose I am going to hell for making light of a suicide (if indeed it was a suicide), but killing 51 dairy cows? I mean, what deserves to be mocked more than that?
A final question: why do suicidal people find it necessary to take others down with them? Yeah, he saved his poor wife from having to milk cows twice a day for a while, but really what he did was KILL 51 VERY PRODUCTIVE DAIRY COWS! It's like he burned half of his family's money before he died! So, if he could hear me, I'd ask him, "What the fuck, you selfish bastard!?"
Here's some unsolicited advice from RampantAnthem: Feeling suicidal? Talk to someone, get some help. Suicide is NOT the answer! But if you have decided you are going to end it all, go someplace private - where your family cannot find your corpse - and LEAVE YOUR FAMILY'S SHIT ALONE! You're hurting them enough by killing yourself. Don't make it worse by giving them the metaphorical finger as you go.