Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Where Does One Hide an 18-Foot Pole?
A 69-year-old West Seattle man allegedly stole an 18-foot totem pole from a Seattle Park, using a crew with a crane, and hauled it 200 miles to Keizer, Oregon (near Salem).
(1) How? How do you secretly get an 18-foot pole out of the ground (with a crane) at a public park and then sneak it to a place 200 miles away? Was he hauling it in a really, really big wienermobile?
(2) Why? I can't figure this out. He lives in West Seattle, but took the totem pole to Oregon. Was he so offended by the totem pole that he had to take it 200 miles away from where he lived? Was he planning to move to Oregon and simply wanted a souvenir of his time in Seattle? Was the totem pole a cruel taunt of his erectile dysfunction? I'm at a loss.
Human beings are sometimes predictable and sometimes surprising; but this is just pointless and weird. If this guy was 19, I'd say he was high and his equally stoned friends dared him to do it. But at 69 years old, I'm not buying the ganja-induced dare (though in Seattle, anything is possible). I'm guessing he is going to go to real prison for this. The Totem Pole is valued at around $75,000, and he crossed state lines. He could even end up in federal prison. For stealing a fucking totem pole.
This is your 15 minutes, moron! Your family must be so proud.