Monday, December 7, 2009

Some Americans' Definition of Obscene is Obscene

Do you all remember when former US Attorney General John Ashcroft put curtains in front of the historical and beautiful statue of lady justice because the statue depicts one bare breast? (The DOJ spent $8000 on this, BTW.) If you thought he was right to do so, then get the hell off my blog right fucking now! You have the right to your ignorant opinion, but I have the right to think you're stupid.

If, like me, you think John Ashcroft is a puritanical tool, then you may stay.

Recently, the pin-headed spirit of John Ashcroft descended upon the Texas hamlet of Big Spring. A resident there placed a garden statute, a 5-foot replica of the exquisite Renaissance statute of David, in his front yard wearing a Santa hat and white beard. Some of the other residents made complaints to the police claiming it was "obscene."

I have to agree that defacing David with a Santa hat and beard might be obscene, but the residents weren't complaining about the additional clothes. They were complaining about his lack of pants. Really.

Oh, woe unto the poor children of Big Spring, Texas for being exposed to one of the most famous pieces of art in human history. How do the children of Italy, survive with such obscene filth surrounding them? OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Is this really a problem? OK, your little boys in Texas presumably have penises, so they aren't seeing anything they haven't seen before. And presumably some of the girls in Texas have brothers or boy cousins so it can't have been a complete shock to them that boys have penises. And even if they don't, IS IT REALLY A SECRET THAT BOYS HAVE PENISES? It's nude art, people, not pornography!

And if you get a funny feeling "down there" from looking at Lady Justice or David, don't project your shit onto everyone else. Handle it on your own like any decent person would.

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