Rampant New Year's Resolution - Drink 1-2 Cocktails Per Day

New Year's Resolutions are usually a waste of time and attention since they are abandoned by mid-February. But this is one New Year's Resolution I think I can keep.

This report lists several significant health benefits from drinking 1-2 adult beverages per day. I think I can manage that if I can afford it, what with all the puritanical sin-taxes burdening my new health kick.

Religious nuts who want to hide liquor stores and tax my health-drink are simply getting between me and my efforts to maintain my body, what the Bible calls the "temple of the Lord". Is that what Jesus would do?

My only question: If I save up my 1-2 daily drinks during the week and drink 6-12 on Saturday night, does that still count?

Joyous Chriskwanzukah!

Several years ago someone I know referred to Kwanzaa as a "made-up holiday." Rather that try in vain to argue with the small-minded person who obviously got off on demeaning events important to other people, I just ignored it. But I've given it some thought, and I've decided that all holidays are made up.

Before I address this conclusion, I wanted to know more about Kwanzaa, because I simply didn't know anything about it. I did a little research. It started in 1966 and is neither religious nor political, but a celebration of African American culture.


Kwanzaa is based on the Nguzo Saba (seven guiding principles), one for each day of the observance, and is celebrated from December 26th to January 1st. The seven principals are:

Umoja (oo-MO-jah) Unity stresses the importance of togetherness for the family and the community, which is reflected in the African saying, "I am We," or "I am because We are."
Kujichagulia (koo-gee-cha-goo-LEE-yah) Self-Determination requires that we define our common interests and make decisions that are in the best interest of our family and community.
Ujima (oo-GEE-mah) Collective Work and Responsibility reminds us of our obligation to the past, present and future, and that we have a role to play in the community, society, and world.
Ujamaa (oo-JAH-mah) Cooperative economics emphasizes our collective economic strength and encourages us to meet common needs through mutual support.
Nia (NEE-yah) Purpose encourages us to look within ourselves and to set personal goals that are beneficial to the community.
Kuumba (koo-OOM-bah) Creativity makes use of our creative energies to build and maintain a strong and vibrant community.
Imani (ee-MAH-nee) Faith focuses on honoring the best of our traditions, draws upon the best in ourselves, and helps us strive for a higher level of life for humankind, by affirming our self-worth and confidence in our ability to succeed and triumph in righteous struggle.

What is a holiday? It's an observance created by a group of people with some common connection or belief. Sounds like Kwanzaa to me.

Most everyone reading this will know that Christmas is the observance of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, whom Christians believe grew into a great teacher and ultimately, the deified messiah of humankind (according to a vote of the Nicene Conference in 70 AD). Nothing in the Bible instructs Christians to set aside a day each year for such an observance. (I know this gets a little lost in the Santa Clause and winter solstice tree crap.
Christians have really fucked this whole thing up by overshadowing this sweet virgin-birth myth with winter solstice pagan ritual (the tree) and the legend of some old saint with bad fashion sense who lives in the North Pole(?) with elves(?). And don't get me started on that annoying drummer boy! A drummer at a birth? What the fuck?)

Likewise, Easter is the observance of the death and resurrection of that same Jesus of Nazareth. And again, nothing in the Bible instructs Christians to have such a holiday. (BTW the Christians have fucked this up too by involving some magic rabbit who sneaks into houses and leaves candy for kids. Leave it to Christians to take one of the most profound and gut-wrenching myths in human culture and commercialize it to sell jelly beans and malted milk balls.)

(Before you have a stroke - by "myth" I only mean "unproven." A myth is not necessarily false, it is just unproven. And if you could prove all of those events and miracles, you wouldn't need faith, would you?)


And Chanukah, also known as the Festival of Lights, is an eight-day Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt of the 2nd century BCE. Chanukah is observed for eight nights, starting on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, which may occur at any time from late November to late December in the Gregorian calendar

My point is simply this: just because a holiday is not yours does not diminish its significance or its importance to those who do celebrate it.

And all commemorations are, essentially, "made-up" insofar as some group of people decided to start having a holiday for some significant event or belief.

So whether you are celebrating Chanukah, Christmas, or Kwanzaa, or some combination thereof, (or whether you are a happy heathen taking advantage of the time off from work to drink and party/relax), Happy Holidays from RampantAnthem! (For your present I give you many sets of parentheses!)

This Is Just De-Pressing!

This psycho in Massachusetts says she knows her life is going to be "good" - despite being separated from her husband and having her work hours cut - because she can see the image of Jesus in her iron. Jesus Fucking Iron! You know who else that filthy mark looks like? How about Charlie Manson, the Predator alien, and every member of ZZ Top?

I know we get a "I can see Jesus/Mary in my _________________" story every week. They are all depressing to me because these people are finding solace, or miracles, or whatever in mundane shit instead of actually doing something to make their lives better. Faith should lift you up, not make you a pathetic, gullible, stupid loser. If your faith actually makes you a pathetic, gullible, stupid loser (like this idiot with the dirty iron), maybe you should consider atheism.

And where do we get off calling Muslim martyrs crazy? At least they die for what they believe in based on religious teachings. Here in the "In God We Trust" land, we worship toast and dog asses and irons that have weird, shadowy shapes as being messages from God. What the fuck?

Religious zealots all irk the shit out of me, but I can at least respect the ones that base their zeal on scripture and personal experiences. Shadowy images on food, household appliances, and animal asses are apocryphal at best, and moronic at worst. Religion may be the opiate of the masses, but it is also the acid of the stupid.

Stop looking for signs to make you feel all warm and fuzzy and take care of your shit. Go to a couple's counselor to work on your marriage. Go find another job or go back to school. Actually do something to make your life "good," and stop waiting for it to just happen because of your magic-Jesus-iron!

That being said, I wonder if she has given any thought to the fact that she is rubbing a steamy hot Jesus against the crotch of her pants every time she presses them.

We Only Love the "-est"

What is it about human beings that makes us only love the "-est?" The biggest



or the smallest (for example).

We also love the oldest and the newest (or youngest). We love the fastest and the slowest. We love the loudest and the softest. We love the darkest and the lightest.

We are not so keen on the "-er." If you are only bigger or smaller, faster or slower, darker or lighter, louder or softer, that's not impressive enough. We only really love the "-est."

What are you "-est" at?

Where Does One Hide an 18-Foot Pole?

A 69-year-old West Seattle man allegedly stole an 18-foot totem pole from a Seattle Park, using a crew with a crane, and hauled it 200 miles to Keizer, Oregon (near Salem).

(1) How? How do you secretly get an 18-foot pole out of the ground (with a crane) at a public park and then sneak it to a place 200 miles away? Was he hauling it in a really, really big wienermobile?

(2) Why? I can't figure this out. He lives in West Seattle, but took the totem pole to Oregon. Was he so offended by the totem pole that he had to take it 200 miles away from where he lived? Was he planning to move to Oregon and simply wanted a souvenir of his time in Seattle? Was the totem pole a cruel taunt of his erectile dysfunction? I'm at a loss.

Human beings are sometimes predictable and sometimes surprising; but this is just pointless and weird. If this guy was 19, I'd say he was high and his equally stoned friends dared him to do it. But at 69 years old, I'm not buying the ganja-induced dare (though in Seattle, anything is possible). I'm guessing he is going to go to real prison for this. The Totem Pole is valued at around $75,000, and he crossed state lines. He could even end up in federal prison. For stealing a fucking totem pole.

This is your 15 minutes, moron! Your family must be so proud.

Joe Lieberman Is a Tool and the Democratic Party Is His Bitch.

Joe Lieberman has threatened to filibuster any effort in the US Senate to expand medicare (by allowing buy-ins down to age 55) or provide a public option for health insurance. Ergo, he is a bought-and-paid-for political whore doing the bidding of the health insurance industry IMO. I.e. - a TOOL!

The Democratic leadership allows Lieberman to continue to chair committees and have influence in their caucus even though he is singlehandedly stopping health insurance reform. Ergo, the Democratic party is Lieberman's bitch.

Is there anything more humiliating that the the bitch of a whore?

"That's Is Not Mine, Officer! I've Never Seen It Before!"

In the quaint ski hamlet of Steamboat Springs, Colorado, a local resident filed a police report claiming that a pooping bandit had broken into her home, left a "deposit" in her toilet, and fled without flushing. She insisted she had never seen the turd before, so it had to have come from an intruder.


Results of the investigation have not been made public yet.

I was tempted to just post the above description and let the bizarre story speak for itself, but that is hardly cathartic for me. So...

I have to admit that if I found such a surprise in my can, I would assume I had just been distracted and simply forgot that I had, you know, done it myself. I don't think I would surmise (imagine!) that an intruder (ghost?) had invaded my home (delusion!) and left it for me (paranoid!!). But kudos to the Steamboat Springs Police Department for doing everything in their power to "wipe out" crime!